i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
