So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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