he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize