I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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