True but thats because hes a fetus.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
