I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
