I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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