I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
