Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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