i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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