I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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