Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
