so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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