What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
