Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
