Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this is an emotional support booty call
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
