In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
