You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
