I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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