Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
