I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
