Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
