How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
