have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
