look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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