dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
