I can tuck mytits in my pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
