just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
