youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
