she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
