You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
