2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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