Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
