Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
