Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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