She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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