my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
