I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
