So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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