i love accidental penises.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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