remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
