I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
