my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
