When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize