Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize