I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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