Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
