i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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