I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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