are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
