My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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