State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
