4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
