he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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