You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize