12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
