My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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