well I can't set my house on fire every night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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