My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
