i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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