Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
