So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
