when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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