Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
