dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
