I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
